I've been composing this post in my head for months, but sitting here trying to actually type it out is hard. I'm not exactly sure what to say or how to say it. I.Am.Terrified!

Another baby is coming in only 24 days (unless she decides she wants to come sooner) and I'm scared out of my boots! It isn't the labor I'm worried about, or the anxieties that are sure to come along with a new baby. It's just that I'm used to being a one-child-mama. I love my Deano. I love that I can give him all of my attention and love. I love that he doesn't have to share me. My heart breaks when I think about a new baby coming into his territory and taking his mamas attention away from him. I worry about the love. I know I know, everyone says the love will just be there. And I believe everyone. But I'm still scared... because I can't understand the love thing yet. I haven't experienced having to give it to more than one child. And I imagine Dean not wanting anything to do with me when he sees that sometimes, his little sister will have to come first. I've actually heard of children totally ignoring their moms for a good week after a sibling is born. I think I'd be devestated to know I'd hurt his feelings so much.
I feel bad that Dean won't get the one on one time he's so used to, both from mom and dad. He'll probably start getting more from Matt. A fact that makes me feel like he'll think he doesn't really need me so much. Maybe he'll want Matt more than me. My poor Dean... he has no idea what's really coming his way. If he were older I'd tell him that he'll still be my number one little man, and that I still love him as much as always.
When he's older he won't even remember our one on one time, because he's too young now. That makes me sad. We've had so much fun. I want him to remember what times were like when it was just him. But not remembering will keep him from feeling like things were better when it was just him. He won't really know any differently, so he won't be mad or upset that we had to divide some of our attention. I hope anyway.

Still, I'm scared and I'm a little sad.