I've been composing this post in my head for months, but sitting here trying to actually type it out is hard. I'm not exactly sure what to say or how to say it. I.Am.Terrified!
Another baby is coming in only 24 days (unless she decides she wants to come sooner) and I'm scared out of my boots! It isn't the labor I'm worried about, or the anxieties that are sure to come along with a new baby. It's just that I'm used to being a one-child-mama. I love my Deano. I love that I can give him all of my attention and love. I love that he doesn't have to share me. My heart breaks when I think about a new baby coming into his territory and taking his mamas attention away from him. I worry about the love. I know I know, everyone says the love will just be there. And I believe everyone. But I'm still scared... because I can't understand the love thing yet. I haven't experienced having to give it to more than one child. And I imagine Dean not wanting anything to do with me when he sees that sometimes, his little sister will have to come first. I've actually heard of children totally ignoring their moms for a good week after a sibling is born. I think I'd be devestated to know I'd hurt his feelings so much.
I feel bad that Dean won't get the one on one time he's so used to, both from mom and dad. He'll probably start getting more from Matt. A fact that makes me feel like he'll think he doesn't really need me so much. Maybe he'll want Matt more than me. My poor Dean... he has no idea what's really coming his way. If he were older I'd tell him that he'll still be my number one little man, and that I still love him as much as always.
When he's older he won't even remember our one on one time, because he's too young now. That makes me sad. We've had so much fun. I want him to remember what times were like when it was just him. But not remembering will keep him from feeling like things were better when it was just him. He won't really know any differently, so he won't be mad or upset that we had to divide some of our attention. I hope anyway.
Still, I'm scared and I'm a little sad.
Back home!
5 hours ago
5 comments:
Sweety! you'll be fine!! you'll be a great mother to both, and Dean with LOVE having a sibling in the house! he'll probably just see her as another "toy" :P No need to worry, you'll be a great mom of two! Love and miss you!
*clap clap clap clap clap clap clap*
BRAVO for your honesty and bravery in this post. Honey, I could have written this WORD FOR WORD right before my second was born.
I know you were venting, not asking for advice, but I'm going to give you a little anyway. (Feel free to ignore - I ignore at least 90% of all advice given to me, anyway.)
First of all, I know your little boy is only 2 1/2, but he CAN understand some things. Talk to him about it. Tell him how lucky HE is. Buy him some "big brother" shirts and a "big brother" book. Let him help pick out the baby's paint (seriously.) Really truly involve him in as much as possible.
When the baby's born, buy a present "from the baby." Go to the dollar store and get a bunch of little trinkets. That way when someone comes to visit the new baby, bringing HER a present, but not HIM, you can give him a little something to make him feel special.
ALWAYS let him hold her when he wants to. ALWAYS. Even if you're in the middle of something or you she wants to nurse, or whatever. She'll live. He won't.
Make sure you reserve time for JUST HIM every day. You'll be really, really tired, and have a million things to do on the house, but make HIM your #1 priority - not your baby. If your mom is coming, let HER take care of the baby as much as possible. Stick to your little man.
And finally, he WILL suffer from some sibling rivalry. He WILL. Mentally prepare yourself for it. Every child exhibits it in a different manner - some take out their anger on the new baby itself, some on the parents.
Of my three children, they all adore each other. Always got along perfectly. (Seriously.) No jealousy issues whatsoever.
They got mad at ME.
It only lasted a few weeks, but at first I just couldn't understand why they were so angry all the time. Then it was like - DUH!
Okay, that was REALLY way more advice than you ever wanted. The truth is, I just want to hug you and tell you it will be all right. Cuz it will. Really.
(And I know you won't believe it til you have that baby in your arms, but you really. REALLY. Will fall in love with her. Your heart doesn't divide. It multiplies.)
Oh, AMEN to that: "Your heart does not divide it multiplies." PERFECTLY said.
Thank you for your comment on my "Hair Revive" post. I don't know who you are or how you "found me" but I'm glad :)
I wanted to forward you my brother in law's email address. He is "The Man" when it comes to herbal remedies for EVERYTHING. The man makes and patents his own amazing formulas.
Here it is: onevisionn@gmail.com
Best wishes to you for a safe/happy birth :)
Oh, his name is Jared, btw :)
Kalin, I have many of the same fears you have... but I do agree with a lot that has already been written. One thing I've been thinking about that I think may help... if your husbands fine with this, is I want to include my son as much as possible... so I was thinking of getting him a doll. He has one now that he takes care of, but when I'm taking care of other kids, I realized how much he likes to be apart of it and help. Its a long ways off for me, but my plan is to get a doll and give it to him while I'm in the hospital, a special present. And then when we come home and I'm changing the baby and rocking the baby, Isaac can do the same... Dean and Isaac are close in age, I would think he might like it too! Just a thought, good luck and anything you learn, pass my way!!! Can't wait!
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